Decision made

Well, I did it. Made the decision and put in my notice at my job of only 2 months. I don't like the person I've become since working there. Don't want to go into all of it, but I've been miserable and going into what I like to call "my dark place". I don't want to be there. If I've learned nothing else in my 36 (yes almost 37 years, Shan) of life, it's that life is indeed too short to be miserable. What good is having the same schedule as my family if they can't stand to be around me or if all I do is cry??? It's not the "learning a new job" anymore. Basically I have it down. It's the whole job, the environment, the type of nursing I do there. To me, it's not nursing. Not what's in my heart. I worked too dang hard to get my license to do something I hate. If nothing else, I have learned that my heart is in the nursing home. I "belong" there. I'm needed there. And I can make a difference there. And that's what it's all about, or should be. I feel a burden lifted. A little apprehensive about the next chapter of my journey. But I'm not filled with worry. God has opened doors for me that I never even dreamed would be there to begin with. He'll lead me on, I know that.

tired

September is almost over and I'm just now writing something. Not keeping up very well, am I?? And tonight's probably not the best night for me to be writing, especially with the mood I'm in. I'm just so tired. Physically, mentally, you name it. Tired of life in general. If there's any way I could do it, I would literally stay in my house 24/7 and never see anyone. Only the people I choose to see. Life would be perfect for me if I could live that way. But alas, I don't see that happening. I'm sick of being critisized for being "too nice"... As if being nice makes me a bad person. Seems like nothing I do is right. And believe it or not, I'm not just refering to my job. I wish I could hibernate for a long, long time...