Worried

Things at work are very complicated right now. I am facing the real possibility of having to look for another job. Not because I want to leave or am tired of being there. Just lots of thing beyond my control. New administration and they're out for blood. Right now I don't think I'm in their target, but some people near and dear to me are. I just don't think I can stay when they make them leave. And if it comes down to that, I'm going to be incredibly sad. So much so, that I can't even think about it right now because I'm not ready to feel that kind of hurt that I will feel if I walk out those doors for the last time. I just can't think about it, but yet it's all I CAN think about. I'm praying... it's all I know to do.

Tired but happy

Oh, apparently on May 18th, I spoke too soon. Did one more 12 hour shift the other night. Actually ended up being more like 13 hours. Mostly this does not happen. It's only been since we've been short handed one night shift nurse. Now we're back up to staff, but one of the night nurses has been off a week. We just got our new schedule for June and I see I have one 12 hour shift day for the month. I'm not complaining because I also got my vacations days that I asked for. So the trip to Sea World is definitely on!!!

I am sooooo happy to be off work today. I can't tell you how excited I was last night realizing that Greg and the girls would also be home today too. We're hanging around the house, working on a few projects. Got some steaks to grill for this evening. It's gonna be a great day!!!

Glad to be off

I'm off work today. I was off yesterday too. Didn't get a whole lot accomplished, but then again I was tired.

Well, believe it or not, I thought I might be posting this from the local jail this morning. Trust me, you don't know how true that comment is. I almost jumped out of my van today to beat this ninth grade girl's butt. Luckily, Jess was in the van with me so I didn't. And you can't say it wouldn't have been a fair fight, because the girl is as big as I am. Well, skinnier, but just as tall, if not taller. Lucky for her, all she got was a stare down. I didn't open my mouth, but I think she got the message that I'm watching her. Part of this year has literally been hell for Sarah, thanks to this one kid. Greg said that all we can do is pray that she moves. Oh, and then he begged me to stay out of jail...

Getting ready to go to Jess's honor roll program. Then I'm going to check her and her friend out of school and we're going shopping. We're going on vacation to San Antonio in June (whoo hooooo I'm excited!!!) and we need new swimsuits. I've spent hours on the internet looking up motels. Trying to find a good deal. Greg keeps saying "just find one you like and book it" but now I'm obsessed with costs. We'll see. I really am excited, though. Wish we were leaving tomorrow!!

Too early for me

Okay, it's 2:45 a.m. and I'm getting ready to leave for work. Is it just me or does anyone else see anything wrong with this picture??!! I HATE 12 hours shifts, especially when they start at 3:00 a.m. Luckily, this is my last one for this month.

Busy day

Whewww... today has been busy. Glad to be home. Had a doctor's appointment for myself in Texarkana at 9:00 then had to be home to get my mom to her doctor's appointment in Little Rock at 2:00. Lots of time on the road today, for sure. And lots of gas used in my van. Holy cow!!! So now I'm at home, just chillin.

My doctor wanted to start me on blood pressure meds today. I talked him out of it. Talked him into believing I would work on it by trying to shed a few pounds, watch my diet, and exercise. As if I have the energy to exercise!! But I know I really have to do it. And I will (hopefully). My problem right now is realizing that I'm only one person and there's only so much I (as one person) can do. This relates to my job. I have come to actually enjoy my job, or at least most of it. Yes there are some days that I leave and swear I'll never go back, but I get up the next day and there I am. I have to be there. My residents have squirmed their way into my heart until it's full of them. There's no way I can walk away now. But sometimes I guess I care too much. No, really it's not that. I honestly don't think you could possibly care TOO much. It's just when it seems like no one ELSE cares then all the burden lies on you. Oh enough of that...

Sarah got her teeth beautifully whitened yesterday. Can't wait til she's all finished. She's bummed tonight that Jess's softball game got cancelled- which means that Sarah doesn't get to hang out with her boyfriend. You know the rest of our family is devastated too (heavy on the sarcasm)

Well, that's all my tired brain can think of for now. I'm going to go catch up on some tv watching. Back to work tomorrow. Oh yeah- wish I could post some pics but it would probably count as invading someone's privacy. One of my special residents had a birthday today and when I got back from Little Rock I took her present to her. I got her a shirt, a coloring book, a balloon, and some strawberry ice cream. We had planned the ice cream because she doesn't like birthday cake. Man, seeing her face was priceless. We sang happy birthday together, then I fed her ice cream. She was so glad I got her a little carton because she didn't finish it all and I told her we could have ice cream again tomorrow! You know, it's truly the little things in life that mean the most.

Wednesday

Well. My first blog. Actually, my first blog on this site. I tried a different one before but lost interest quick. Maybe this one will last.

I'm off work today. Today and tomorrow. It feels great to have two days of "rest". My youngest daughter, Jessica, is home with me right now. She had a softball game last night and got hit by the ball when up to bat. She's got a nice softball mark right now on her left outer thigh. It was kind of rough, so I let her stay home today to rest and recoup. Got to take my older daughter, Sarah, to the dentist at 2 p.m. She's finishing the process of getting her dental implant. It's been quite a process, but she's gonna have one heck of a smile when it's done!!

It's been quite a week. I lost my first resident on Monday morning. Actually was there at her side when she died. My other ones have died at the hospital or when I was off. I don't think it's ever going to get easy to deal with. At least I hope not. If it does, then I guess I'll know it's time for me to quit. It's hard to separate yourself- put emotions aside and be the professional. I think I did okay. But I miss her already.

That's about it for my first post. This may turn out to be a good thing after all.